Beauty Defies the Dark
To the world, you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world. — Dr. Seuss
You are a caregiver.
On one hand, you feel small, unseen, insignificant in the scope of the big, BIG world that hurriedly leaves you behind.
On the other hand, you bear the weight of the world because you are the entire slow-and-steady, life-or-death world to a loved one dependent on your care.
And somewhere in the stretched-thin middle, you feel as though you are engulfed—the pressure pushing your unnoticed form down into a lonely, deep ocean of overwhelm as you kick furiously to break the surface for sacred air where you know you should scream for help, if only you knew how.
I recently listened to a “Game of Crimes” podcast on YouTube hosted by Steve Murphy. His guest was Barbara Butcher. Butcher is a veteran New York City Medical Examiner who investigated over 5000 deaths in her career, including those lost at Ground Zero on 9/11. She is the author of What the Dead Know: Learning About Life as a New York City Death Investigator, in which she tells her story. During the podcast, Butcher shared a story about a colleague conducting an autopsy of an 8-year-old girl who was brutally murdered for a $50 bag of cocaine. Butcher asked her colleague how she handled constantly seeing brutality and death. The colleague stated,
What you have to do, every single day… is surround yourself with beauty—art, nature, music, love, food—everything that’s beauty in the world. Because only beauty will counteract the horror, the death, despair, and destruction you will experience every day.
Interestingly, earlier that same week, I began reading a book titled How Beauty Will Save the World: Rediscovering the Power of the Arts for the Christian Life, by Winfield Bevins. Bevins opens the book with a story from Bosnia in 1972. During the Bosnian War, the “Siege of Sarajevo” resulted in a mortar attack that “killed twenty-two people while they were waiting in line for bread.” Amid that haunting scene, a Bosnian cellist, Vedran Smailović, walked in “dressed in full concert attire” and began to play. Bevins writes,
He went back and played every day for twenty-two days in a row, one day for each person killed. Even as sniper fire and mortars continued to rain across the city during those days, he never stopped playing. After the twenty-two days and still during the siege, he performed in other locations throughout the city, including bombed-out buildings. Everywhere he played, people gathered, hungry for a glimpse of beauty and hope despite the threats and ravages of war.
Bevins continues…
What I appreciate most about his story is the way he used his art form to express the power of beauty in defying the dark…
To me, caregiver, you are the cellist. Not for twenty-two days, but for as long as it takes to care for your loved one, no matter how dark it gets. Your art is not performed in the middle of a militaristic war, but among the rubble of what life used to be and what it is now – who you used to be and who you are now.
You don’t have a stage, concert attire, or a clapping audience, but you are among the most powerful, beautiful wonders in this world—one activity of daily living (ADL) at a time on behalf of another, defying the darkness of sickness, pain, grief, loss, and death.
The world doesn’t just need you to do the work, though projected numbers suggest we are headed toward a catastrophic demand for family caregivers (According to this report, the number of adults ages 85 and older is projected to TRIPLE by 2050, along with a rise in dementia and the need for family caregivers). No, more than that—the world is in desperate need to see you—to bear witness to the pain you lovingly endure and be radically changed by it.
Oh, how I wish I could force the world to stop and see!
As a mental health therapist for caregivers and senior adults, I consistently study current research on caregiver needs, aging, mental health interventions, and assessments to best support my clients. But you are not a statistic, your personal story is not written in those pages, and no assessment will ever adequately capture the depth of your experience.
The boon of therapy is that you enter the space with all your unique qualities and colorful layers, and whether you talk, cry, scream, laugh, or stare at the wall, you are witnessed just as you are… in all your hidden, worthy, treasured, weighty, drowning, fighting, kicking, surviving beauty.
Caregiver, you may feel torn up on the inside between feeling forgotten and feeling far too needed, but you don’t have to hold that tension alone. Come as you are, and let’s unwrap your beauty together.
References
Bevins, W. (2025). How Beauty Will Save the World: Rediscovering the Power of the Arts for the Christian Life Oaks Press.
Butcher, B. (2023). What the Dead Know: Learning About Life as a New York City Death Investigator Simon and Schuster.
Game of Crimes. (2026, March 4). The Raw Reality of Working Ground Zero | Barbara Butcher interview 237/2 [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d58tjUuoo7k
Mather, M., & Scommegna, P. (2026, January 21). Fact sheet: Trends in family care for older americans – population reference bureau. Population Reference Bureau. https://www.prb.org/resource/fact-sheet-trends-in-family-care-for-older-americans/
Disclaimers
Neither Cindy Foote nor EverHope, LLC is compensated or paid for any reviews, endorsements, or links in this post. All products and services are recommended purely based on personal experience and preference. We do not use affiliate links, and we receive no financial benefit if you click a link or make a purchase.
This blog post is for informational and educational purposes only. It does not replace professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Reading this blog does not create a therapist-client relationship. Always talk to your doctor or a licensed mental health professional if you have questions about a medical or mental health condition. Never ignore professional advice or delay getting help because of something you read here.
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